Lost in Translation: How Men and Women Communicate Differently

When the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus came out, it was an instant hit. The title even coined a popular saying, which is still used over 20 years later.

The book deals with the differences in communication between men and women, and how they can each be saying the same thing, whilst communicating it differently. It’s something we see regularly between our couples.

Communication Challenges in Dating

One of the most common challenges we see at Bowes-Lyon Partnership isn't about values, chemistry, or even timing. It's language. Not actual language barriers, but the subtle (and often frustrating!) differences in how men and women communicate.

A classic example about a subject that’s important to many people:

She says: "I'd like to start a family in the near future."

He says: "I'm open to having children."

Cue panic. She wonders if he's unsure, not serious, or avoiding commitment. He worries that she wants immediate confirmation of a large commitment.

But more often than not, they’re both actually aligned in their thinking and are simply expressing themselves in ways that feel natural to them. Both are interested in starting a family in the next few years.

In general, many men prefer to keep statements open-ended early on in a relationship. They tend to speak more abstractly, not committing to firm declarations. Women, on the other hand, tend to lean into more definite language. They will also provide more detail when communicating (such as “in the near future”).

Neither of these styles of communication are wrong or right, but it’s important to recognise differences so they don’t lead to serious misunderstandings.

Bridging the Communication Gap

This variance in communication between men and women can cause issues if not recognised or addressed. In our example, each individual might step away from future dates because they misunderstood the other, and thought expectations were mismatched. What a shame when they could have had a very happy relationship!

Fortunately for our members, we provide coaching around conversation and this is a daily chat we have varying members. This not only helps them become better communicators, it allows them to look at things from different perspectives. It gives them the confidence and understanding to step back, reconsider, and even ask questions to clarify the other person’s feelings. With this kind of coaching, topics are discussed in more detail, couples find out more about their dating partner, and opportunities for future relationships are opened up. It’s a win-win situation for everyone involved and takes away the dreaded ‘assumption’ that people will often lean towards without that opportunity for clarity.

Remember: most of the time we’re on the same page, we’re just reading in different tones.

Make sure you don’t get “lost in translation”. With our exclusive matchmaking service, we’ll guide you through the pitfalls and common mistakes in dating. Just get in touch.