Do Opposites Really Attract?
We all know the age-old saying, but is it true? Do opposites really attract when it comes to love and relationships?
Well, according to a 2023 scientific study the answer is “no”.
Scientific Studies on Dating
The study, first published in a journal called Nature Human Behaviour, analysed data from similar historic studies, as well as data collected by the authors themselves. Looking at millions of mixed-sex couples (a similar study is being undertaken for same-sex couples to see whether the findings are different), the ultimate conclusion was that similarities in our partners is important to us as humans.
Many different categories were explored to find areas in which similarities were more or less important. As you might imagine, there was higher correlation in some categories than others. For example, for IQ and political opinions, couples generally partnered with someone on a level with them. Other areas, such as weight, showed some correlation but were less likely to be the same (or similar) between couples.
Then there were some traits that appeared completely random. Apparently, it doesn’t matter whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, you’re just as likely to end up with someone who shares this trait as you are to end up with someone who is the opposite.
So yes, it turns out that opposites do attract, but only sometimes.
Anecdotal Evidence
Moving away from the science, it’s also interesting to look at some anecdotal evidence. It seems that, while opposites might attract in some regards, it’s often through fairly surface-level characteristics. Having similar values with your partner, for example, tends to lead to longer-lasting, healthier, and more successful relationships.
In such anecdotal evidence, one of the recurring themes is how opposites seem “exciting” and similarities seem “boring”. And we completely understand that. When you’re dating someone, it’s extra exciting because of all the new information you’re learning about them. If you’re in a longer-term relationship, things can get stale if you’re doing the same things year in year out. Perhaps it’s primarily similarity we need, with a sprinkling of opposites to keep things a little more interesting?
Understanding your opposition dealbreakers
So what does that mean when we’re dating?
Well, we would never recommend discounting someone because the science says you won’t match well. It really comes down to what’s most important to you and what’s most important to them. You may, for example, find it difficult to have a relationship with someone who has wildly opposite political views, or who has a very different work ethic. Whereas someone’s choice of hobby or book preferences may not be a dealbreaker.
It’s important to recognise in yourself what is important or tolerable in a partner and what isn’t, even if it might seem silly. On the surface, for example, it might not matter that your potential partner hates cooking. But if you also hate cooking, is there going to be a constant argument about who makes dinner? Maybe not, but it’s worth considering how important that is to you.
Ultimately, though, a reasonable level of arguments and challenges can be important to a relationship. If you agree all the time, you’re less likely to discuss difficult or contentious topics. And, while you don’t want everything to be a fight, being able to disagree, discuss, and then move on, is an important part of building a healthy and important long-term relationship.
Finding Balance
In our opinion, it is sensible to look for someone who is similar to you, but who is not a carbon copy. Someone who you can agree with and rub along with nicely, but who can also challenge you at times. To us, that is the perfect balance.
As part of our dating service, we take great care in getting to know every one of our members to truly understand what makes them tick and what their deal-breakers are. Our careful matching process helps you find someone who creates that perfect balance. Get in touch now to start the journey to finding your perfect partner.