Dating After Divorce

Divorce can rock our world, and it can be both difficult and scary to start dating again after years with a partner you expected to be with for life. It will never be an easy transition period, but getting back out there once you’re ready is a key step in moving on.

Here are some of our tips for having the best dating experience after divorce.

Take your time

Being alone after an extended period of being part of a couple can be terrifying and lonely. But it’s also an important part of resetting and getting to know yourself wholly as an individual. So take your time to embrace this stage of a break-up. The length of time you remain single will differ for everybody, but it’s good to take some “me time” before you put yourself back out there again.

Be wary of the comfort zone

Despite that, you also need to avoid getting stuck in your comfort zone. Maybe you find it easier to be alone than to put yourself in front of prospective partners again. There’s a balance between being alone to help you heal, and being alone because you’re scared of the alternative. Keep checking in with yourself to make sure you’re not just hiding from the dating experience.

Once you do start dating again, you should still beware the comfort zone. Whether or not your breakup was amicable, you probably don’t want to date a carbon copy of your ex-partner just because they feel familiar. Have a real think about what you really want in a new partner. Be open minded and give new people the opportunity to share their own unique qualities.

Change your mindset

Fear and excitement are two emotions that are very closely linked. And, with a bit of mental effort, you can change your fear into excitement. Scared of dating after all this time? Try looking out for moments of excitement instead: the opportunity to meet new people, that fuzzy feeling you get when you have a connection with someone, the opportunity to do things you wouldn’t usually do in your married life… Changing the way you approach dating after divorce can hugely improve your experience.

Avoid overfamiliarity too early

When you’ve been in a relationship with someone for years, it can be strangely difficult to transition away from that easy familiarity with a partner. Remember that when you start dating you’re getting to know someone, and what was okay with your ex might not be okay with your new beaux just yet. Avoid overfamiliarity too early on so that you don’t come on too strong.

Don’t talk about your ex

This seems like an obvious one, but it can be an all-too-easy habit to fall into. And it’s understandable: more of your time over the years will have been spent with your ex-partner than anyone else. That means that many stories or experiences you want to share probably involved them. That doesn’t mean you don’t have to tell those stories, but try and avoid mentioning your ex.

For example, if you had a great holiday, just talk about your experience on the holiday: “I did this”, “I saw that”. There’s no need for “We did this” and “We saw that”.

You should also avoid, at all costs, badmouthing your ex, especially on early dates. If things work out, you can maybe share some experiences further down the line once you’re more intimate. But there’s nothing less attractive than a date who only talks about their ex - good or bad!

Check your self-confidence

Divorce can knock our self-confidence for six, but that doesn’t mean you should settle for someone who isn’t right. Divorced or not, you are still worthy as a human being, and you still deserve to find someone who has all the exceptional qualities you value. Don’t settle for less just because you’re lacking a bit of confidence.

Many people come to our dating agency after divorce, so we can be a safety-net and guiding hand on a new and daunting journey of dating. Along with our experienced advisors we ensure that each person is ‘vetted’, and you can be confident that you are meeting someone authentic, genuine and who envisions a long-term relationship. We specialise in matching elite singles, and we insist that the dating experience is a fun and enjoyable one for all our members.

Get in touch, when you’re ready, to find out how we can help you start dating after your divorce.