Body Language in Dating: the Silent Language of Attraction

When you’re first getting to know someone, you can find yourself looking for meaning behind every little gesture and movement. Or perhaps you find it difficult to recognise when things are going well, or when they’re going poorly.

Understanding body language is a useful skill on early dates, when you don’t know the other person’s unique behaviours and need to rely on more general clues. If you’re able to observe how body language changes throughout the date, you can see whether things are going in the right direction.

You can also use your understanding of body language to review your own behaviours. Could you be giving the wrong impression without realising it? Do you want to make your date more comfortable with subtle cues? Here’s where you’ll find out how.

Remember: the meaning behind someone’s body language isn’t an exact science, so use these as a rough guide rather than strict rules.

Eye contact

Prolonged eye contact demonstrates interest in what the other person has to say, as well as possible attraction (especially when you’re on a date). Though don’t overdo it with intense, unbroken eye contact for too long. In general, the speaker holds eye contact longer, and the listener looks away from time to time.

It almost goes without saying that next to no eye contact is a poor sign. Minimal eye contact can mean disinterest or discomfort. This may be absolutely nothing to do with you personally, but if you notice this behaviour, maybe do a quick check with yourself first to make sure you’ve not said something that could be disagreeable. Remember, on early dates it’s best to keep conversation light!

If you’re someone who finds it difficult to maintain eye contact, try looking at areas nearby, like the eyebrows.

Posture

Posture can be one of the most difficult body languages to interpret, because so much of it depends on the personality of the individual. But look out for signs of relaxation – if someone sits ramrod straight for the entire date, or never uncrosses their arms, chances are they’re not very comfortable. On the other hand, leaning in to talk, or deliberately turning to face you, wherever you are, is a positive sign.

Licking lips

When they’re nervous, people will often lick or bite their lips. If you notice this behaviour early on in the date, and it gradually fades away, that’s a great sign.

Touch

Small points of contact are an amazing indicator that someone is interested in you. They often seem almost incidental but can be full of meaning: a slight touch of your hand across the table, a palm against your upper arm when on a walk…

Your date may not make the first touch either, but you can look out for other body language that indicates they’re seeking it. Is their hand moving across the centre of the table to where it would be reasonable for you to reach out and hold it? Are they standing much closer to you than they were previously? These could be signs that they’re keen to make this delicately intimate gesture but nervous to make the final move. 

You can also use this ‘pre-touch’ body language yourself to show you’re interested while still giving your date the option to accept or decline.

Conclusion

Early dates can be hard, and recognising that someone is interested can be a challenge. And, while body language doesn’t give you fast and firm answers, it can help you understand how things are going. Use these helpful hints and tips both to understand how your date feels, and to ensure you’re giving the right impression.