So you’ve met someone, and they’re pretty incredible. You’ve got butterflies, you’re high on love-chemicals, and you’re starting to fantasise about spending the rest of your lives together. You want to preserve this incredible state of being by getting the relationship ‘formalised’ – perhaps by leaping into bed with them, or even getting engaged. And perhaps you’re right. But wait. Before you try to pull your relationship along into the next stage, take a step back and look at the bigger picture. It may feel like speeding things along is the right thing to do, but sometimes, rushing a relationship can spell disaster. Here’s why:
It’s A Sign Of Insecurity
Look deep inside yourself. Take a deep breath, face up to your innermost self, and ask yourself why, precisely, you want to move this relationship forward. Is it because you honestly believe that the time is right for both of you? Or is it because you want to ‘lock them down’ out of fear that you might lose them? Rushing relationships is a classic sign of insecurity, typical of people with rejection issues or troubled pasts. If both of you honestly and rationally believe that moving forward is the best move, then you may well be right. But if you’re trying to ‘secure’ the relationship out of fear, jealousy, or rejection-anxiety, things are likely to go badly wrong. For a start, insecure people who try to rush relationships frequently come off as clingy. They may also get frustrated and emotional when their partners do not respond in the way they’d like. While completely comprehensible from their own point of view, this can be bewildering and even irritating for their partners. It’s not a case of ‘s/he’s just not that into you’. More a case of ‘s/he’s just not ready for this yet’. Rather than feeling rejected and hurt when your partner does not respond to your efforts to move things along, understand that it may not be a lack of love on their part, but your own insecurities at stake here. Slow things down a little, and perhaps try to work on your own issues a little. It’s also worth noting that someone who makes you feel insecure may not be the best person for you. If you can’t trust them and you don’t feel happy in the relationship, it may be best to do the opposite of rushing the relationship – and back off instead.
You Don’t Really Know Them Yet
If you’re racing into something after a very short acquaintance, chances are that you’re going to be bemused a few months down the line. Sure, everyone knows (or knows of) someone who married their partner within a very short timescale from meeting them, and then stayed together until death they did part. However, those people were probably lucky enough to have (by sheer fluke) found someone with whom they got on famously even after the love-chemicals wore off. What do we mean? Well, on one level, it stands to reason that you know people better the more time you spend with them – indicating that shorter buildups to relationships, marriage, moving in together etc mean you’re more likely to be surprised and disappointed by personality clashes down the line. However, it’s also worth pointing out what happens to the brain when we fall in love. It is possible to fall in love with someone very quickly indeed, and – to paraphrase the (surprisingly accurate) phrase – love blinds us. Love floods the brain with some very powerful chemicals and hormones. Not only do these alter our perception of our beloved – they alter our behaviour, and even our personalities. After a while, however, the chemical party begins to quieten down. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the love goes away, but it does mean that we start to see things a bit more rationally again, as well as reverting to our usual selves. This can be a crucial ‘getting to know you’ period within the relationship, which frequently brings great rewards. However, if you’ve rushed your relationship along during the initial euphoria, you or your partner may well feel ‘trapped’ once it wears off. Rather than getting to know each other, and deepening your sense of connection, you’ll find yourselves resenting each other, and wondering what on earth you were thinking. Better all round to take things slow, until you’ve built up an honest connection and know that the time is right to move things forward.
This Article was kindly written by Gemma Craven.